stuck

Father, oh Father
hallowed is the ground
We’re so close
(just six feet away)
but we’re worlds apart

This steamer chest of memories
doesn’t lessen but presses
always against my heart

You were never too cold
You were never too hungry
You were never upset
You were indestructible

Were were were
I hate that you’re in past tense
Why aren’t you still here?

If I slaughtered a city
would it bring you back?
If I prayed to a god
that I swear has forsaken me
would you be there this December
to help me put up the lights?

Every time I feel jealousy
can I attribute it to you?
“You’re so like him”
All my life, I’ve heard
It makes me proud

You were the only one
that ever told me
that you were proud of me

You squeezed my hand
so tight and I pulled away
smelling like Old Spice
and yard work

And I made a face
sour and silly
and you mussed up my hair
and I felt so valuable
nickels and dimes
to dirty hands
that had never touched metal

I want to celebrate you
on all days
but the grief is like sap
and I can only run
so fast

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