there aren’t answers

Will I ever be good enough for you?
This blood in my veins — isn’t it yours?
So why the leeches? Why the letting?
Capsules of who I am and who I’m not
of who you want me to be
But I don’t know how to blink like you
And that criticism that drips
from your lips
like tasteless coffee
from your morning mug
That’s not me
I’m not like that
I’m not like that
That’s not me
If I told you I loved, would you believe me?
If I told you I hated, would you believe me?
If I told you I sobbed [because of you], would you believe me?
And when I can’t stand you anymore
I remember him
and the promise he extracted from me
with that syringe labeled Time
ticking ticking ticking
away
“Take care of her”
And I fold to the floor
and spread my arms like I’m flying
but I’m just making sure
your shoes are clean
before you come in

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